When was the last time you really laughed out loud with a joke? Unable to remember? Well, no matter. This will be the next one! Enjoy these jokes!
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He goes over to the first priest and says: “Hey, I’m Jesus Christ!” The priest says: “No son, you’re not.” So the drunk goes over to the second priest and says: “Man, I’m Jesus Christ!” Then the priest says: “No son, you’re not.” Finally, the drunk gets fed up and says: “Here, I’ll prove it.” He walks back into the bar with both priests and the bartender looks up and sees the drunk and says: “Jesus Christ, you’re back again?!”
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My wife left me because I am insecure No wait, she’s back. She just went to get coffee…
My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together. Man, I sure am lucky! I mean, first I win the lottery and now this…
My boss just asked, “Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here.” I replied, “Yeah, no problem. I’ll probably be late though as public transport is bad on weekends.” He said, “Okay, when do you think you’ll get here then?” I said, “Monday.”
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A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25-year-old girl. After the honeymoon, they throw a party celebrating their marriage… After a few drinks, billionaire’s friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie. “It’s simple” billionaire boasts… “I faked my age” “Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy… she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?” A friend asks. With a smile on his lips billionaire responds “85 years old”.
Me: According to the World Health Organization… My dad: WHO?
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